Dismantling Myths Frigidity

 The frigidity:

The term frigidity was used indiscriminately as a disabling diagnosis in women who did not feel pleasure in their sexual relations. Thus provoking a harmful idea: “Something bad happened to women” if they “couldn't” enjoy vaginal orgasm or intercourse.

Etymology: The word frigidity, which is preferably applied to coldness and sexual enjoyment, is a derivative with a quality suffix –ez (from the Latin ities/icies) from the cultured adjective frígido/a, which comes from the Latin rigidus ( cold).  

It is an archaic term that was used derogatorily during the first half of the 20th century. Nowadays, we try to use terms that do not damage self-esteem so much. Such as lack of sexual desire or apathy and even anaphrodisiac. In my experience as a professional, I have dismantled it on several occasions in consultation. And I have been alarmed when I have heard it again in any of the current social and professional contexts.

The frigid woman

The concept of frigidity was defined as a sexual dysfunction typical of women that consists of a woman's inability to experience sexual pleasure and reach orgasm. It was introduced into the medical language by Mr. Freud, the father of psychoanalysis and modern psychology. Despite the great scientific work that he left us, it is also true that at that time women had no voice or vote. And less in the sexual sphere. Therefore, many male scientists and doctors throughout history have made very serious mistakes for women's sexual health.

I don't blame him, since it was "normal" to think like that. She carried a castrating and moralizing education of the time. As an anecdote, there is a popular saying that goes like this: “ There are no frigid women, only bad lovers ” This sought to rebel against these ideas that have been in force since the beginning of the 20th century.

Vaginal intercourse vs clitoral intercourse

Sigmund Freud postulated that there are two types of orgasm: the clitoral orgasm, typical of a sexually immature woman; and the vaginal orgasm, typical of a mature and sexually developed woman. And the idea that vaginal penetration is the practice par excellence for women's sexual pleasure has remained in force to this day.

With these false premises, Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, left in his wake countless women who, because they did not enjoy vaginal intercourse, were considered frigid. This idea is still very valid today. I have heard the concept of frigidity especially in middle-aged women and above. To such an extent something that is common has become pathologized:   that the vast majority of women do not experience pleasure when being penetrated vaginally.

The orgasm in women

It is important to clarify and demystify once and for all that, there are not two types of orgasms. Experts say that an orgasm is an orgasm. And period. But it doesn't matter where it comes from whether through the ears, the ass, the clitoris, or the feet. We have a body with two square meters of skin and an infinite number of nerve endings. It doesn't matter where the pleasure comes from, it is the brain that gives the signal to feel ecstasy. All the physical sensations in our body pass through the brain and whatever the orgasms are, the main idea of sex is to enjoy.

The clitoris

It is true that in women we have a very powerful wonderful organ that is prepared to give and receive pleasure. Not only is it a point at the entrance to our vagina, but it is an internal structure much larger than what can be seen with the naked eye. The pleasure point is only the tip of the iceberg. Inside us, the excited structure swells and we can feel a lot of pleasure if we know how to stimulate it correctly. Both inside and out. And that, my friends, is not about being immature. It's about being unique. And each woman is responsible for her own eroticization of her body. Know how to love him, respect him, and give him pleasure.

No, there are no frigid women, there are misinformed people.

Denying once and for all that frigid women do not exist. There are women who do not know each other. That they have not received adequate sexual education.

It is a myth that the man should be responsible for making the woman reach orgasm solely and exclusively through intercourse. More than 60% of women say they need to stimulate their clitoris, breasts or other erogenous parts to achieve this. Therefore, enough of accusing women of this. What's more, this belief also causes a lot of discomfort to men. It is one of the reasons for consultation that is repeated in men: Performance anxiety (next post)

Each person is responsible for their body and the main idea of sex is to enjoy, play and have fun. And it is necessary to know each other on an individual level to convey to your sexual partner what you like.

To disprove this false belief, you need to keep the following in mind: the human body has many erogenous zones to explore. So, in the case of women, the best way to once and for all is that you don't need a penis to have pleasure, you need yourself. Masturbation is one of the best forms of self-discovery, discovering your erogenous zones, type of stimulation, and more pressure or not,... so that later, if you want to share your pleasure with another person, whether they have a penis or not, you can tell them how you want them to touch you.

Yes, you have to tell your sexual partner how you want him or her to touch you!

And remember: there are no frigid women, only women who still ignore or continue to maintain erroneous ideas about what a satisfactory sexual relationship is. 

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